(3 min read)

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Hi it’s me your subconscious back at it again trying to figure why you’re so dotish.

Do you feel mentally confused when someone states factual information? Or have you been in a situation whereby you are unable to fully understand the answer to a question? If yes? Then here may be a reason you  least expect .  A recent scientific study conducted in 2018 to 2020 on the island of Guyana, has lead researchers to some alarming findings.

A group of well-known scientists from the Western hemisphere led a team to Guyana to conduct what was supposed to be a simple baseline study to build a news learning facility. Their discovery left the researchers in a state of shock. The findings were so alarming that the report was classified for only a select few to avoid inciting public panic but credible inside sources have leaked the findings to this publication.

According to the report the study was conducted with a sample size of 100,000 Guyanese between the ages of 4 to 100 years old grouped by nursery, primary, secondary and tertiary to assess their educational status as it relates to a lost in brain function.

It was found that children at 4 to 6 years of age in the nursery levels were least likely to be affected by this phenomenon that causes a decrease in brain function. Their brains showed increased activity with a very high aptitude for learning.  At the primary and secondary level between the ages of 7 to 17 there was a rapid development of brain functions for speech and arithmetic functions but as this group seeks to further educate themselves various problems start to arise.

At the tertiary level is where brain functions start to decrease the most. It was found that persons who went on to be degree holders will have a decline in thinking ability in early stages of their adult life. The areas of the brain that are affected the most are those that deal with reasoning, language and mathematics. It was also found that if you attain more than one degree and actively engage in politics this decline will happen more rapidly. Some of the symptoms found were blind loyalty, a sense of wanting to feel ethically superior to another race, failure to comprehend basic factual information, always making a post in support of the political party of your choice.

It concluded by stating that this sickness has the ability spread rapidly among degree holders since 50% of persons in the study were already suffering from the sickness with another 25% starting to show symptoms.

If you or anyone you know are experiencing these symptoms, please seek urgent medical attention at the closest health facility. Do not be afraid there is help for you!

Ravin Clean

Disclaimer:

Satire is the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

The views expressed by this author are solely their own and does not reflect the position of any organization they represent or may be associated with. The aim is to provide commentary on the current political situation in Guyana using satire.

As an aspiring satirist I hoped you enjoyed!